Positive parenting is all about the show and tell. As parents, we all have to lead our children by the hand through every lesson–both big and small.
But how do we do that and keep our sanity intact … The answer is positive parenting.
Every parent aims to bring up a child that is confident, happy, and a part of a loving family. Parenting is a natural process and most times it is not the books, counselors, or doctors that will guide you. Most times it is your own natural instincts.
Parenting is not about just providing; it is much deeper than that.
As a parent, you will be worried about your child’s well being as well as his future. The aim of most parents is to raise a happy, intelligent, and fulfilled child – a child that is secure, confident, and independent.
Good parenting means talking about important things in their lives.
Let your kids know that they can tell you anything that happens to them without fear of being rejected. If your kids can know they can talk to you about anything at all they will do it.
Positive Parenting Notices Good Behavior
Let’s face it. We as parents often neglect to notice the positive things our children do.
Rather, we tend to focus on our children’s negative behaviors, because they either annoy us or otherwise make our lives difficult. Have you ever heard the phrase, “that which gets noticed gets repeated?”
If all we ever notice is the negative things our children do, then why would they do anything differently? It is as if we program our children to believe “if I’m only noticed when I do something wrong, then so be it.”
It is just as important, if not more, to notice our children’s positive behaviors. Remember most behaviors are controlled by their consequences.
Positive parenting is something that is done in many different ways by each parent.
12 Tips To Positive Parenting That Works
The key to good parenting is to never be afraid to love your child, show them the difference between right and wrong, and instill in them a sense of self and trust in you. Emphasize that you will always be there for him or her. Let them place their trust in you.
Here are twelve child-rearing tips that can help you feel more fulfilled as a parent.
1. First Step … Make Time for Your Kids
It’s often difficult for parents and kids to get together for a family meal, let alone spend quality time together. But there is probably nothing kids would like more. Get up 10 minutes earlier in the morning so you can eat breakfast with your child or leave the dishes in the sink and take a walk after dinner.
Kids who aren’t getting the attention they want from their parents often act out or misbehave because they’re sure to be noticed that way.
Many parents find it rewarding to schedule together time with their kids. Create a “special night” each week to be together and let your kids help decide how to spend the time. Look for other ways to connect — put a note or something special in your kid’s lunchbox.
Don’t feel guilty if you’re a working parent. It is the many little things you do — making popcorn, playing cards, window shopping — that kids will remember.
2. Boost Your Child’s Self-Esteem With Positive Parenting
Kids start developing their sense of self as babies when they see themselves through their parents’ eyes. Your tone of voice, your body language, and your every expression are absorbed by your kids.
Your words and actions as a parent affect your child’s self-esteem more than anything else.
Praising accomplishments, however small, will make them feel proud; letting kids do things independently will make them feel capable and strong. By contrast, belittling comments or comparing a child unfavorably with another will make kids feel worthless.
Choose your words carefully and be compassionate. Let your kids know that everyone makes mistakes and that you still love them, even when you don’t love their behavior.
These are simple tips to boost your child’s esteem and still stay close to your child.
3. Set Limits and Be Consistent With Your Discipline
Discipline is necessary in every household. The goal of discipline is to help kids choose acceptable behaviors and learn self-control. They may test the limits you establish for them, but they need those limits to grow into responsible adults.
Establishing house rules helps kids understand your expectations and develop self-control. Some rules might include: no TV until homework is done, and no hitting, name-calling, or hurtful teasing allowed.
You might want to have a system in place: one warning, followed by consequences such as a “time out” or loss of privileges. A common mistake parents make is the failure to follow through with the consequences.
You can’t discipline kids for talking back one day and ignore it the next. Being consistent teaches what you expect.
4. Catch Your Kid Being Good
Have you ever stopped to think about how many times you react negatively to your kids in a given day? You may find yourself criticizing far more often than complimenting. How would you feel about a boss who treated you with that much negative guidance, even if it was well intentioned?
The more effective approach is to catch kids doing something right: “You made your bed without being asked — that’s terrific!” or “I was watching you play with your sister and you were very patient.” These statements will do more to encourage good behavior over the long run than repeated scoldings.
Make a point of finding something to praise every day.
Be generous with rewards — your love, hugs, and compliments can work wonders and are often reward enough. Soon you will find you are “growing” more of the behavior you would like to see.
5. Stay Involved In Your Child’s Education
Research shows that parental involvement in schools improves student achievement, reduces absenteeism and restores confidence among parents.
Children need parents who have an interest in what’s going on in the classroom
Parental involvement also means reading to your children, checking homework every night, limiting television viewing on school nights or simply asking your children about their school day.
And if your child struggles with homework, you can help with these smart strategies …
6. Include Your Kids In Planning Family Activities
Kids can feel alienated if their viewpoints, feelings, sensibilities, and opinions are seldom considered.
Impress on your kids that their participation in the family is important and valuable. This helps them take their responsibilities to the family more seriously, especially if they feel appreciated.
If your kids are included in the joys as well as the responsibilities, it helps balance all those tasks that are necessary.
Then they may be more likely to be actively contributing members of their own families and communities as adults. Again, children learn what they live.
7. Show That Your Love Is Unconditional
As a parent, you’re responsible for correcting and guiding your kids. But how you express your corrective guidance makes all the difference in how a child receives it.
When you have to confront your child, avoid blaming, criticizing, or fault-finding.
Instead, strive to nurture and encourage, even when disciplining your kids. Make sure they know that although you want and expect better next time, your love is there no matter what.
8. Manage Sibling Rivalry … But Stay Fair
Sibling rivalry is natural. Siblings usually swing back and forth between “best friends” and “sworn enemies.”
Sometimes when siblings grow up, they do bury the hatchet and actually become friends — sometimes, but not always.
The only thing that parents can do about sibling rivalry is to be as fair as possible when dealing with disputes and competitions.
Stay out of the dispute as often as possible. Let the kids work it out unless the solution has blood involved.
Try these strategies to turn a sibling rivalry dispute into a win/win situation.
Look for a solution that gives both parties something. Teach the kids to negotiate and compromise. It could keep you from having to play referee so often.
9. Be a Good Role Model
Young kids learn a lot about how to act by watching their parents. The younger they are, the more cues they take from you.
Before you lash out or blow your top in front of your child, think about this: Is that how you want your child to behave when angry?
Be aware that you’re constantly being watched by your kids. Studies have shown that children who hit usually have a role model for aggression at home.
Model the traits you wish to see in your kids: respect, friendliness, honesty, kindness, tolerance. Exhibit unselfish behavior.
Do things for other people without expecting a reward. Express thanks and offer compliments. Above all, treat your kids the way you expect other people to treat you.
10. Make Communication a Priority
You can’t expect kids to do everything simply because you, as a parent, “say so.” They want and deserve explanations as much as adults do.
If we don’t take time to explain, kids will begin to wonder about our values and motives and whether they have any basis.
Parents who reason with their kids allow them to understand and learn in a nonjudgmental way.
Make your expectations clear. If there is a problem, describe it, and express your feelings. Invite your child to work on a solution with you. Be sure to include consequences. Make suggestions and offer choices.
Be open to your child’s suggestions as well. Negotiate. Kids who participate in decisions are more motivated to carry them out.
11. Teach Your Child About Bullying
Bullying can be poison to your child’s self-esteem.
Saying nothing is part of the problem and it’s important that your child knows he can come to you if he sees another child being bullied – and especially if he’s the one experiencing the bullying.
You can speak to the child’s parents or the school administration if you need to, and work together to resolve these problems.
Bullying does not have to be a part of your child’s education. These are tips to teach your child to prevent being bullying.
12. Know Your Own Needs and Limitations as a Parent
Face it — you are an imperfect parent. You have strengths and weaknesses as a family leader. Recognize your abilities — “I am loving and dedicated.”
Try to have realistic expectations for yourself, your spouse, and your kids. You don’t have to have all the answers — be forgiving of yourself.
And try to make parenting a manageable job. Focus on the areas that need the most attention rather than trying to address everything all at once. Admit it when you’re burned out. Take time out from parenting to do things that will make you happy as a person.
Positive Parenting – Be Flexible and Willing
Being a parent is not about providing well, giving pocket money, or satisfying material needs. It is about creating love, understanding, and trust. Positing parenting that are formed in the early years of life will last a lifetime of good times and bad.
It is important for parents to extend a warm hand of friendship.
If you often feel “let down” by your child’s behavior, perhaps you have unrealistic expectations.
Parents who think in “shoulds” (for example, “My kid should be potty-trained by now”) might find it helpful to read up on the matter or to talk to other parents or child development specialists.
Kids’ environments have an effect on their behavior, so you might be able to change that behavior by changing the environment.
If you find yourself constantly saying “no” to your 2-year-old, look for ways to alter your surroundings so that fewer things are off-limits. This will cause less frustration for both of you.
As your child changes, you’ll gradually have to change your parenting style. Chances are, what works with your child now won’t work as well in a year or two.
Teens tend to look less to their parents and more to their peers for role models. But continue to provide guidance, encouragement, and appropriate discipline while allowing your teen to earn more independence.
And seize every available moment to use positive parenting and make a connection!
